“Over the years, I had morphed into what I never could have imagined. I was a porn addict and of course, this led me to masturbating a lot of the time, a thief and a profound liar. I was also involved in immoral relationships. I had gone out in response to altar calls so many times before now but the first time I consciously invited Jesus into my life was in October 2015. I made this decision because I was increasingly becoming frustrated with my life and where it was heading.”
Part 1: Trapped From Childhood
I was in bondage to pornography. I got to see it the first time through a tenant in the compound I was staying when I was about 9 or 10 years of age. Fast forward to about 3 or 4 years later when I was in secondary school and had a Java phone, I was constantly redirected to a porn site many times when I wanted to download a game from ‘Waptrick’ website. Then when I was in Senior Secondary 1, I read a very dirty post on Facebook. My mind wasn’t yet much of a garbage dump then, so some things were still quite irritating to me. However, I read that filthy post to the end, and I was never the same again. My mind began to run wild and dirty, more than I could ever have imagined. Nobody knew about it. My religious facade was too properly situated for anyone to see through it.
Pornography became one with me. I would watch it at every chance I got with my phone. Whenever I couldn’t, I’d make do with erotic novels though I’m typically not a fan of novels. About 5 years later, what probably started as a ‘mere post’ on a Facebook page had torn my mind to shreds. I was so hooked on it, that at a point I didn’t care about privacy before I would watch it.
All these brought a feeling of guilt. I felt too guilty to appear before God in prayer or fellowship freely with the rest of the Body of Christ. Whenever I tried to, my sins came dancing before my eyes. Why should a chronic sinner like you continue in the leadership of your student fellowship simply because manifestation of Gods gifts was noticeable to everyone? I even wished God would take away all the spiritual gifts I had from me because the ability to see visions was only a gift and it wasn’t enough.
The Consequences of Ignorance
I was ignorant of many things and just kept falling deeper into sin, becoming worse each time. One of the areas of ignorance, which is something that has affected a lot of sincere young people, is that my getting born again did not suddenly make sin resign from knocking on my door. Satan did not stop being who he was simply because one person got saved. If anything, he would double his efforts at coming after you, because you are like a precious possession he lost. And I had not learnt quickly enough to start feeding on God’s word which would have given me the strength, wisdom and direction to fight and resist the devil when he came knocking.
I also did not understand what verses in the Bible like 1 John 1:9 or Hebrews 4:16 really meant, even though I had knowledge of those scriptures. I read almost my entire Bible twice. So, whenever I fell, I would feel too guilty to even ask God for forgiveness, as I was always coming back to look for forgiveness. The most vital thing I wish I knew then was the significance of understanding God’s word and applying them to one’s life. It would have made a lot of difference, I was instead involved in praying a lot of ‘firebrand’ prayers.
I am a Pastor’s kid, and yes, my parents did their best to train me up in the ways of God, but it wasn’t enough. I had to meet Jesus for myself. I now understand why my father would always tell us back then that we need to meet Jesus personally for Christianity to mean anything to us.
Well, God was softening my heart, working towards making me see one day, that every sincere prayer I had prayed, every cry for help that had come out of desperation was heard.
Why did I keep getting born again? I ran out to give my life to Christ every time a preaching about hell preceded an altar call. I realize now that my repentance was built on fear, and not on an understanding of God’s love, He has done to make me free and how important and satisfying this freedom will be.
I got worse when I came to the University; I added drunkenness to my problems. I was jumping from church to church seeking help but none was helping, as I was always choked up with church activity. So I stopped attending church meetings. I decided to stop pretending and come out plain in my evils since being a good boy wasn’t working, but God wouldn’t let me be.
He kept tugging at my heart. Peace left me. I just knew my life would be miserable if God let me have my way. And deep down, I really wanted to be free from myself and my kind of life so that I could truly be a child of God. But how was it going to happen? It seemed impossible.
Pulling Down the Strongholds…
I want to really thank God for my total deliverance from things that were strongholds for me. I was thinking about what has happened with me in the little time I’ve been here in God’s Lighthouse and I have realized different aspects in which the Lord has liberated me.
…of Lust and Drunkenness
Shortly before I came here, I met a girl through another friend. This friend of mine brought her to my room in the hostel one day and because of how she was dressed and the way she talked, my head began to run wild for her. To make things worse, she also said that she was ‘having a crush on me’; and this was the first time we met! Well, I thought of only flirting with her but she took it quite seriously. We started dating.
Unknown to me, she was pregnant and was aware of my weakness which was my love for palm wine; I was addicted to palm wine and would take it to stupor. In a birthday party, I was cajoled into playing a ‘truth and dare’ game with others where she asked me if I’d ever slept with anyone and I said “No”. Since I said I was a virgin, she asserted that she would take my virginity.
She told me that she would make sure I sleep with her on my birthday. Actually, on my birthdays, I would get drunk with palm wine and lose control of myself. That day, I drank and slept off but when I woke up, she told me something strange. She said that each time she had come to me in the night, touched me or called my name, I would push her away immediately so she eventually left me alone. She asked why I kept pushing her away the night but I was surprised because I was unaware of what had happened. I even explained to her that I was drunk and unconscious. I was yet to realize that I was actually saved from sorrow,
I felt it was normal for her to complain about it until I found out that she was pregnant. She was unsure of the person responsible for the pregnancy. It is possible the responsibility would have been pinned on me hence the reason why she was insistent on sleeping with me. Actually, if I had slept with her, I would think I am responsible for it and wouldn’t have denied the pregnancy. I really thank God for delivering me from the whole mess.
I actually imagined my father’s reaction if I told him that I had impregnated a girl; he would have told me to take responsibility for it. My father had warned me of relationships since I was thirteen so I wouldn’t have escaped his wrath. My father would have told me to assume the responsibilities of ‘a man’.
I found out later on that she aborted the pregnancy. She didn’t know that I was aware of everything and has this new attitude of ignoring me. I also found out later, that drinking to stupor was in my family lineage; my forefathers suffered from it. However, God has delivered me from it.
The Breaking Point
It was just around this time I reached that breaking point. Even when the phase with this girl was over, I just couldn’t return to God as smoothly as I normally did. Why? G-U-I-L-T. The guilt of being involved in things I knew I shouldn’t do.
Now I know that self-pity does not help but destroys, and it is also a form of pride sufficient to stunt my spiritual growth (2 Corinthians 7:10). It made me constantly tired of my life, fed up and frustrated. Looking back, I know it was God’s sovereign hand that restrained my mind from suicidal thoughts. I mean, it had gotten to the point I agreed with a demonic interpretation of Romans 8:29, that I was not predestined to be among those who will serve God truly and go to be rewarded in Heaven.
My academics suffered, as I was too depressed to go to school. Lying on my bed for days and jumping from one movie to another, one porn video to another, refusing to eat or even take my bath-these were the things that were now my life. I had not been to church in a long while. Guilt was my right hand guy. The fear of hell was my blanket at night. Why go to a Church meeting after you’d have woken up as early as 4 am to watch porn?
The New Connection
So, finally one evening in June 2017, I decided that it was better to give God one more try. I went on my knees and cried my heart out. I asked for forgiveness and re-dedicated my life to Him. I started to feel peace return to me. The next day, Saturday June 03, Michael, came to my room and was rather discussing some doctrinal issue with my friend Success who was in my room. He wasn’t even talking to me, but I could see passion. This was not the Michael I knew. Not that I knew much except that he was my senior colleague in Medical School and a former ‘bad boy’. I wanted what he had encountered. If Michael could be passionately talking about the things of God, then what he had met had to be genuine.
I didn’t waste time in telling him I was surely following him to his church the next day, which was a Sunday. He was reluctant to carry me along because according to him, there had been an instruction not to invite persons, especially because of the limited space in the meeting place. Well, I came and seeing all these young people just like me was the greatest encouragement of all. And to find out that we all had common stories was amazing. It encouraged me, if these persons can be victorious over sin, then I can too!
Transformation was an amazing process, especially because everything was different and quicker too. The constant teaching and obeying of the Word made the difference. I was loved out of my issues. I still fell a number of times, but I was not rejected or condemned by them. I was taught with love and God’s love more powerfully than any fear could has kept me till now.
For the past two years, I have not for a single day been afraid of going to hell and God has been so good. I have learnt how to study, relate and apply His word, and help others do this too. I also learnt how to use the gifts of God to produce fruits of righteousness in me and others. Healing, as one of many other things, has flowed through these same hands that once did evil. And to think that I can actually lay my own hands on people and they would receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit. This was not possible just a few years ago! My spiritual experiences have gotten clearer and sharper over the years.
Evangelizing to others is much more fun, because I have the story of God’s salvation in my life to tell others. I am in a place where I am privileged to be involved in fighting the battles of God in the life of others, instead of being burdened by constant guilt, the type that comes with constantly engaging with the devil. Life’s good and truly free when one makes hearing and doing God’s Word a priority! And its transforming power is faster than what you would ever imagine. The impact it produces on you will surely yield fruit that goes beyond your life: others will be affected; and this has been a source of joy to me, especially as sin was a constant source of depression to me. Righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy spirit- that is God’s kingdom. And now I am free to focus on pursuing it!
PART 3: My Deliverance from Bloodline Curses
Broken Ancestral Chains
I thank God for saving me from bloodline curses. . My dad had once told me that our lineage was a lineage of priests dedicated to the devil. My ancestors served an idol god called Abasi Uyo (Ibibio: a ‘voice god’) who made it possible that whatever we thought or said came to pass. Apparently, every 1st son in the family was meant to serve in its shrine.
My deliverance began from the first time the prayer team led by Pastor Ita Udoh prayed for me in line with Psalm 139:23-24. That day I heard myself say strange things-things I normally couldn’t say, and for a brief period I suddenly hated the Pastor. Of course, it was a demonic manifestation, and I was going to be freed of every such thing, even though it took more than a single brief session of prayer.
In a Friday’s church meeting, Pastor said that some of us would sweat profusely as God’s work of deliverance was working in us. That day, I was sitting under the fan but sweated profusely, and was feeling cold at the same time. I actually heard the demon speak to me as we were praying. It told me that it had been in existence for long, and that it entered my family line in 1901. The demon said it protected us during the civil war and wanted to use me. I saw visions of blood sacrifices my fathers did and I saw idols.
During this period of deliverance, I could no more read my Bible. I would be hearing voices in my head. I really felt tormented. My consolation was in understanding, that it was the kind of thing that happens when a rodent infested house is set on fire-all the hiding animals and insects begin to surface and run for their dear lives. Yes, I was being set on God’s cleansing fire and things that were hiding were surfacing on their way out. I had dealt with pornography and lust before but they came back very strongly. My thoughts were out of control and the voices did not go. Even other issues I didn’t know about, such as anger showed up. It was frustrating, but I could hold on because of God’s words and Pastor’s teaching.
Deliverance from Lust
One day when I was at the Pastors house, lustful thoughts came rushing at me from nowhere and everywhere. I had a strong urge to watch porn. It was a Wednesday, so we were going to have a meeting later in the evening. I kept praying, ‘Jesus, save me’ and quoting the Bible verse that says, ‘Therefore, if the Son sets you free, you are free indeed’ (John 8:36, NKJV); but the devil replied me, ‘If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness’ (1 John 1:9, NKJV), implying that I was allowed to sin and ask for forgiveness later. It was so bad that in my mind’s eye, I kept seeing myself doing terrible things to girls just to derive sexual pleasure. There was only one person in the house, a girl, and since I wasn’t able to keep my mind in check, I left the house to the warehouse and lay on the carpet and kept crying to God to help me. I saw a man in white clothes come and touch me. When he did, I fell asleep. I didn’t leave that place when someone came to wake me up, I didn’t want anything I’d seen in my head earlier to become a reality.
I woke up when I heard Pastor’s voice, even though I kept my eyes closed. I heard him say strongly to his little daughter, Shalom, who was causing trouble, “Get out of here! Go to the house….” Immediately I heard him say “Get out!” it was like he was talking directly to whatever was happening to me, because all the voices in my head ceased, the lust lifted off as well. What was left was depression. I had developed issues with depression over the years. It only got worse in the past few months.
Deliverance from Depression
At the end of the meeting that night, the Lord told me to ask Triumph to pray for me. She did and gave me a hug. When she did, I felt depression physically lift off me. The Holy Spirit also told me later that Satan’s aim wasn’t only to make me lust and fall for it, but also to make me feel continually guilty and depressed.
I asked God how I got the spirit of depression; He revealed to me that it was due to listening to songs by Westlife continually. I loved to listen to their songs, when I had issues with my girlfriend.
The following Friday, during prayers in the church, I felt the demon coming out of me. I went blind for a while, until Pastor came to pray for me. The demon told me that I couldn’t drive it away. This demon was so stubborn and I really wanted it to go.
The day came when I was finally free of its influences. The Holy Spirit told me in the morning, that day, that my deliverance won’t be anything dramatic as I was expecting, and Pastor also said the same thing when it was time to pray for me. Pastor prayed that chariots of fire should come and carry the demon away. I saw, in a vision, everything he was mentioning in his prayer. The chariots came to carry this demon away, but I saw that this demon was dragging me with it. I was physically pulled along as I saw his hand dragging me.
I really thank God for taking it away from me and also for remitting the sins of my fathers. I have learnt however, that I have to continue in His love and His Word. He is ever faithful to keep me, but I must also keep walking in his footsteps. [Ezekiel 18].
Part 4 – My Battle with Lies
I also had the problem of lying. I would lie thoroughly even for the most trivial matter. I had to pray about it. Sometimes, I lied to people and I had to confess to them afterwards. In my former life, I recall that each time I went to see my girlfriend, and my dad asked where I was coming from, I always had a lie downloaded in my mind automatically. I would cook up dreams to tell my parents although I never dreamt, and the dreams usually played out as I had said. I wanted the lying spirit to leave me alone. It had become a demonic influence.
During the ‘Psalm 139’ prayer, I asked God how the spirit came and He revealed it to me. I saw a snake that kissed me and I saw the face of the first girl I had kissed. I then remembered that she also had the same lying problem. I’ve been delivered of it and I tell the truth now even if it exposes my wrong, it’s a big relief!
Part 5: My Battle with Stealing
I also thank God for delivering me from kleptomania. I used to steal a lot. My father is a Pastor and I used to keep the money for the church. All was well until money started disappearing from the church account. I seemed so innocent to everyone even though I was responsible for it and my parents still trusted me. I couldn’t just stop. I can’t remember when it started, but when it got worse when I was in JAMB ( Joint Admission Matriculation Board, responsible for granting admission into tertiary institutions) tutorial class. There, I had a girlfriend to ‘cater for’ plus the fact that I had to maintain the rich boy status I portrayed when I newly got there. It became uncontrollable eventually that I would steal the church’s money and then begin to wonder why I did so because there would be no need for the money I stole. I actually prayed to be caught.
In a bid to get caught, I woke up one morning and lied to my dad that I’d seen one of his friends who was also a Pastor and whom he respected a lot in my dream. I told him his friend said that we should all go on a 7-day prayer and fasting so that God would reveal the thief. My parents believed my story. Well, I thank God that somehow, we never got round to suffering for nothing. I was never caught either. Even when I came to Akwa-Ibom and stayed at my grandmother’s place, I would steal her money. My grandma would shout but I never confessed. Now, God has freed me from all of that, I am ready to confess to her and ask for forgiveness. I am free because God’s words have worked wonders in me. I am also surrounded by sweet brethren who have upheld my finances a lot, and so there’s never a reason to steal.
Part 4: Now that I Belong To God
Having returned to God in a different way this time around, I need to say that walking with him has been different from the way it has always been. Christianity has been much more fun than what I’d ever imagined it to be. But was the Enemy going to just watch me live out in freedom? No. He never does that with anyone. One of the first challenges I faced when I came into this love, aside being constantly tempted to return to the woes of the past, was an intimidation the devil tried to push me under. Yes, I’d thought it’d lead me into a season of being heavily persecuted by my parents because of this new way of ‘my carrying God on my head’. It actually happened to a little extent.
Barely 3 months since I started coming to God’s Lighthouse, I went to my village on a visit to my grandma. That Sunday, I moved all the way from the village to Uyo just so I wouldn’t miss fellowship with the brethren. Grannie couldn’t get a hold of why I’d move that far just to be in a Sunday meeting. Wasn’t God everywhere? Now, the truth of the matter is that though God is undeniably omnipresent, His Spirit is only present with Churches who permit Him to be their Leader. I had finally found a place where this was the order of things, and I wasn’t going to start missing out on it so early.
I came back home to the village to discover that Grannie had already reported me to my parents. She’d told them how she doesn’t understand what kind of church I was now attending that would make me do ridiculous things like what I just did. She said, “You know a lot of all these small Churches use the blood of their members to achieve success”. As long as it wasn’t any popular orthodox denomination, it wasn’t acceptable to her.
My dad called and rebuked me strongly. He told me that I should return to the former denomination I was attending if I wanted to maintain a smooth relationship with Him. It was a big deal for me because my dad had never used such threat before but I was not ready to return back to that denomination when I wasn’t edified by the activities there. I could see clearly that I was going to disobey my father on this one and damn the consequences.
You know, Jesus meant what he said in Luke 14: 26-27, 33. You cannot be His disciple if you are not willing and ready to forsake anyone and anything that hinders your relationship with Him. Another thing that gave me the courage to make that decision was hearing the stories of persecution of other brethren. If they could withstand all that opposes their fruitful walking with God, including parents,so can I.
From Persecution to Fellowship
Well, the Holy Spirit came to my aid. He told me that this was the time and perfect opportunity to share my testimony with my family. So I obeyed. I sent my mother a very long WhatsApp message, narrating all that needed to be said about God’s work of transformation in my life. I told my parents in that text: “When you got born again and began walking with God, didn’t you remain and grow in the place God used to achieve all that? Why then do you want to stop me” [I didn’t include that last question, but I implied it]. The next day my dad called me and after sounding for a while like he hadn’t seen my message, he said at the end that he has forgiven me and also that he loves me.
My immediate younger sister was the first to respond to my testimony. She called and expressed her shock to the maximum, but it ended with her saying that she had some ‘confidential’ things to tell me. My mum was more broken by it, but it all ended with every one of my family members giving glory to God for my life. It’s been amazing the things God did with my family from my sharing that testimony.
I led two of my younger sisters to Christ who were moved by my own testimony. They have been burning for God since then. Around this time, my family was in Akwa Ibom for Christmas holiday, one of my sisters got baptized in the Holy Spirit after following me to a Sunday meeting; of course by now nobody was threatening me to leave this wonderful congregation. There just was no need for it. Another sister of mine came to me to pray for her for deliverance from lust, but I found myself praying for her to receive the Holy Spirit instead. She did, and it was special to me because she was the first person who received the Holy Spirit through the laying on of my hands. When they both got baptized, it was accompanied with gifts which they have been working in since then: faith, healing, prophecy. They went back to Ogun state where we stay and were leading everyone they could to Christ, baptizing them in the Holy Spirit as well. Healing has also flowed through them. God is just amazing!
As for my parents, I started to feel their love for me [even] after I shared my testimony with them. Many times we are not willing to give up the love we think we have from our family, even when it clearly comes in between us and God. But experience with my own family has taught me that placing your love for God first has the ability to unleash love between you and those around you in ways you would never find out if you’re not willing to give them up.
Before now, my parents trusted my ability to remain a child of God based on the training they gave me alone. They had felt I was a good child probably because I was able to conform to the upbringing I received whenever I was home with them. They could never really suspect or even bother to inquire into all the glaring symptoms that pointed to sin in my life. The testimony I sent to them ended with my telling them not to put their trust on the training they gave their children, but on God. This will avoid any false confidence that will prevent a parent from seeing when God is pointing their attention to their derailing child.
A lesson to learn from this is that many times we could forestall trouble by simply letting everyone know our new stand in Christ Jesus. Being ashamed or shy of sharing about how God’s grace came to save you will do more harm and no good. When you have encountered the Lord for real, do not hesitate to share about his transforming power in your life. You can never tell what God intends to build from it. Obeying the Holy Spirit that day and sharing my testimony with my family led to the transformation of my family members. God’s name be praised!
Part 4: Experiences of God’s Faithfulness
God’s Abundant Provision
I also want to appreciate God for the other areas in which He has been faithful since I came to discover his love for me. He’s been providing for me all that I need. through the people around me and through my parents even at times when there was no hope I’d receive anything from them. I mean, there have been times when I was still in the process of making my requests when the answers came or times when the answers came in strange ways.
There was a time when I needed a Bible. I’d prayed to God to provide it and forgotten about it. The following week I saw an amount which equals the price of the Bible in a compartment of my school bag I almost never opened. I still don’t know how it got there till today. Now, similar things have happened over time. There was also a time that I needed clothes and Pastor had taught us how to pray: to ask for the things we needed and not necessarily for the money. So I asked God for clothes, and the next day my mum called and said that my father had a dream, in which I was in tattered clothes. Then they sent some money for clothes to me. Another time, I needed a shoe and I called my mum and told her. She had no money then, but she was able to send the money the next day. God is indeed the greatest provider.
Concerning my academics, God has really been mighty on my matter. During my season of depression in my past life, my academics also suffered terribly. Coming to God, I had expected it to come back spontaneously. It didn’t. Why? Because I had to learn to trust God in my academics as well and to believe that he was involved in that area of my life.
The peak of it was when I was to write my Part 1 MBBS exams in year 3 and my Continuous Assessment (CA) scores were not just it. One of them was in fact impossible for success. There was no way I was going to pass that course with such a low CA. Before now I had gone through this phase where my grades were constantly on the poor side, even after repenting from the laziness towards my academics. This was how my cumulative CA became as ‘bad’ as it was. I remember that on the day I wrote the theory paper for the course I had the lowest CA, I could barely answer any question save one. We were to answer 5 out of 7 questions. I was beginning to feel despair because I’d read quite a lot for the exam but the Holy Spirit was all over me then. In fact a memory verse we’d learnt in church kept ringing in my head: Philippians 4:12-13. Then I slept off and saw an angel of God come to strengthen me by simply touching me on the shoulder. This happened twice.
When the results came out, I passed this course. The particular course I was thinking I’d pass the most because of how well I think I knew it (relatively) plus that my CA score in it was a little better, was what I failed and had to resit. That was a permanent lesson for me: even in your academics, it’s not by your power or might, but by God’s Spirit. Eventually I made all the papers and moved to the next class. God be praised!
I also thank God for the privilege of being used as His vessel to reach out to others. Evangelism has been nicer than I’d always known while growing up in denominational church settings. Going to preach to others by telling them of God’s grace in my life, accompanied by the gifts of the Spirit makes the gospel so much fun to preach. I have been able to much overcome my shyness and timidity in this area. To think of the fact that I can actually preach in a bus now is enough to glorify God. All glory to his name.
Part 5: Though the righteous fall seven times....
I have had seasons of ups and downs even in my better-than-ever walk with God.
Had I stumbled into sin many times? Yes!
I had especially fallen into pornography many times again. There were times it was becoming too often and I wanted to give up and just run away from God entirely, as in the days of the past. Thank God for being constantly close to His words. My Pastor, Pastor Ita Udoh, has always constantly taught us that we are in a battle and as such we must treat sin like an enemy. We do not get hit by sin and fall over and die of guilt.
… God Always Forgives.
We must learn the lessons that need to be leant from every fall we have (which includes how not to place ourselves in situations that would make us fall), stand up and move on! I also thank God for other Pastors He used to help me during this phase, Margaret and Michael. They patiently loved me out of it. I did not have to die spiritually again because of guilt (2 Corinthians 7:10). I have learnt how to war against sin in the process. Yes, I’d fallen into it so many times, but knowing that God was never so angry that I could never return to Him helped me return to his throne of Mercy to obtain mercy and grace (Hebrews 4:16) for those times of need.
Am I now saying it is okay to carelessly allow one’s self to fall into sin because grace is available or because there is love to cover a multitude of sins? God forbid! We never must do evil for good to come. Neither should we use God’s grace as a license to sin (Romans 3:8, Romans 6). However, one must understand that in this battle, the righteous may fall many times, but he will rise again (Proverbs 24:16).
This is why the devil always tries to keep you in guilt long enough to ensure you keep running away from the only one who can actually help you. A cardinal lesson I learnt was that Satan’s aim for pushing you to sin is to separate you from God. Scripture says that it is sin that separates us from our God (Isaiah 59:2).
Now don’t get me wrong: it is important to feel guilty whenever you sin against God. It is called conviction. For how else can you become humble enough to receive grace to repent of it? But if it is the kind that makes you run away from God and die spiritually, then it is not right. That’s why Paul in 2 Corinthians 7 tells us that there’s Godly sorrow leading to repentance and worldly sorrow leading to death.
In all of it, I didn’t stop doing whatever God wanted me to do, though there were times I felt too weak to do anything. Initially, I would feel too guilty to pray or even study the Bible (these always made me weaker) but now I’ve learnt that it is at those times that we need them the most. See the wisdom in it: if your stumbling makes you run closer to God and His Words, do you think the devil will continue to breathe a temptation on you in that area? I had even stopped preaching in buses because of holding on to self-pity, but it’s all over now, and I’m back on!
Today, thanks to God and His people, I am truly free! I’d given my freedom so many times for brief moments of ungodly pleasure (Galatians 5:1), but God has always been with me and has brought me into victory over it. Now, not only do I have victory over it, but I have been equipped by God to help others triumph over it. Alleluia! All glory to God, who has chosen to bring me into the privilege of knowing Him. God be praised!!