I was held captive by the spirit of seduction and sensuality...
As a little girl, I was introduced to sexual activities by some of my older cousins. Initially, it was only one cousin who came to stay in our house. He was much older than I, and told lies about a lot of things. Being a young girl, I believed everything he said.
One of the lies he told was that he was going to show me how males and females were supposed to interact; the right way to show “love”. As usual, I believed the lie. I soon joined in what I later discovered was a family affair. Most of my male and female cousins were carrying out sexual acts together. With my childish mindset, I was pushed or rather coaxed into this way of life.
Did I know it was wrong? Not at first. It did not ‘feel’ bad. This ensured that it went on for a while. Yet, I remember having a love-hate relationship with all that went with the act (lesbianism and fornication) later on.
When Even the Leopard Changes its Spot
One year, I went to my cousin’s house during the Christmas holidays. Something changed; everyone acted differently. I was confused. Apparently, a revival had occurred at their house. They told me that the previous year was the last time such evil acts occurred. They were all changed — called by the Lord and all very prophetic.
Mixed emotions ran through me. I felt both hurt and relieved. But regardless of this great change, it seemed like I was destined to be an outsider. I just couldn’t catch the fluke, fire or whatever it was that came with the revival. Attending the church meetings with them didn’t make much difference to me.
When I did go for the revival meetings, my cousins, who were all prophetic would shake, roll and prophesy. On the other hand, I remained an onlooker. I just watched and laughed. I do remember one time though, when I prayed about the events around me. I fell down and the only thing I remembered the next day was that I was rolling and shouting, “Jesus! Jesus!! Jesus!!!”
That was just a short episode and the only time of respite for all the times I was the observer, feeling bad that I wasn’t a partaker.
A few years later, we had moved to a new neighbourhood, and I met a light-skinned girl I will call Jael. As I stated earlier, I had a love-hate relationship with the lesbian acts partly because my cousins were fat and dark. Things were different with Jael. She was everything from beautiful to fair, slim with a nice set of teeth. She was like a breath of fresh air to me, at the time.
She would come to my house when my parents went out, and we would role play all day. She had this intoxicating aura; I was enchanted. Whenever she was around, I just couldn’t think of anything else apart from doing bad things with her. Jael drew me deeper into lesbianism. We didn’t even have proper conversations; it was all about lust. Whenever we we’re done doing evil, she would hurry out saying she had to go meet her aunt. Any conversation wouldn’t last more than a minute or two.
This went on for a few years until we moved again to a new neighbourhood; this was few months after my parents found out that I used to let her into the house, and my dad beat me silly for this. Whether or not they knew what we used to do, I have no idea.
Reading romantic novels were among the things I learnt from Jael and consequently, I picked up a lot of wrong knowledge. I became a different person — one who tried to exude sensuality and seduction. I remember two instances clearly.
There was a time I met a guy on Facebook. We got talking and fixed a meeting. We eventually met somewhere, and sure enough, bad things happened – we made out with each other. After the incident, it was a thing of shock to me that I could be so carefree and shameless to the extent of taking such a risk — not thinking at all.
At another time, I had an ear infection and went to meet a doctor. Similar things happened with him like the guy I met on Facebook. I was becoming a creature with no control, just like the person who introduced me to it. Jael taught me a lot of things, and they were mostly bad things.
These things affected my relationship with males.
It was in the new neighbourhood that I first came in contact with pornography. I saw it on a big cousin’s phone; a female this time. That was the hook; I became addicted. Pornography and masturbation became a part of my life. I did not stop until 2017 when I gave my life to Christ. By that time, none of my cousins were into that lifestyle again, at least none that I knew of. Most of them had become church-inclined people while I was still bound.
A Breath of Fresh Air
When I became born again, pornography and masturbation which held sway in my life, sort of lifted immediately. This was as I began to attend church meetings and hear the words of God taught through Pastor Ita. Like water, they washed over me and purified my heart from those inclinations. I am very grateful to God for that.
But other things took some process to heal.
After I became born again, I tried to be very cautious, talking as little as possible to people. It was just very hard to maintain a platonic relationship with guys. My mind was full of a lot of dirt. The situation was only a little better with females. I think there was a time I stopped hugging females. It did not mean that every time I hugged a female, I had bad thoughts. I just had to be cautious and put parapets – protective measures to keep me from falling to sin, around myself.
One thing I did a lot in this period was pray. I prayed that God should deliver me from those things. I wanted Him to take them away. I knew it did not matter that I carried out these acts from childhood, so much that it had become a part of me. I had accepted these things as part of who I was. But I knew He could help me and give me a new identity.
God did come through for me. My deliverance came gradually from a combination of actions: I attended gatherings with the tangible manifest presence of God, listened to the Word, practiced what Pastor Ita taught on parapets including a deliverance session in which I had several demonic manifestations – one of which was lust which manifested in my seducing and singing sensually to one of the female leaders who was praying for me. What a miracle it was then that with time, I could hold a conversation without being sensual or seductive in behaviour. Soon, a lot of eye and body actions began to be subdued. But I still had a problem with the thoughts in my mind though a lot of that has changed currently for which I am very grateful to God.
The Moment it Ended
Finally, my deliverance was complete at an all-night meeting we had in church following the Passover Retreat in April 2021, where I had experienced a series of deliverances. It was at this all-night that the Lord brought it to my remembrance and I came to the realization of the root of most of my issues – the root was deeply entrenched in my encounters with Jael.
How God saved me was peculiar. It was not dramatic; there was no physical manifestation. There was no rolling or shouting. It was all from simple faith and believing. During the retreat and later on at the all-night meeting, as pastor led us to renounce sins, I did so with all the faith that I had. It was while the prayers were ongoing that everything came back to mind— how it began with the events at my cousins’ and Jael. It was like God was reminding me, and delivering me. I felt lighter. I knew it was gone.
And yes, it was truly gone. My deliverance was complete. The seductive thoughts were gone!
I really want to thank God that I am no longer bound. Whether subtle or pronounced, God found them all and set me free! I feel immensely blessed. It is a big deal for me especially as a female.