I don’t remember being bad at Mathematics but I think it was a general law in my early days for parents to have private English and Mathematics tutors for their kids. I remember my first tutor being a woman who was a teacher in my primary school and my mother’s friend.
I think I was in Jss 1 (2009/2010) when my tutor was changed to a man who lived adjacent to my compound. I will refer to him as Mr. P.
Mr. P and his brothers were friends of my family because we were related by tribe –Ibibio. Mr. P’s elder brother was an engineer and a better Mathematician but I don’t know why he (Mr. P) was the one tutoring both my elder sister and I.
At the beginning when he started tutoring me, he would pinch my almost non-existent breasts while correcting me. He would do it with a smirk on his face. On non-lesson days when I’m sent to his house to wait for my elder siblings to return from school or sent there to eat and watch TV (as per he’s a trusted uncle), he would abuse me by touching me in my private parts, forcing me to touch his, and trying to kiss me. I felt irritated and dirty. I knew it was wrong but how was I going to tell him to stop or my parents to intervene?
My parents were having serious marital issues. My dad would come home drunk, beat up my mum, etc. How could I tell my mum that such a terrible thing was happening to me? Why would I add to the pain she was already going through? I think I feared my dad wouldn’t believe me or would beat me. I couldn’t bring myself to tell my siblings either because we were not close and I didn’t really like them. Sigh! The disadvantages of a dysfunctional family!
Eventually he did the actual deed. He raped me for real. I became so irritated I fell sick. My parents thought it was malaria – No, I wanted to die so badly that my existence made me feel sick. I was sick because I was still alive after the incident. Still, no one knew except me, him, and God. Shortly after that, his elder brother died and he moved out of the area.
Fast forward to 2021 when I came to God’s Lighthouse. I heard Pastor preach on “Forgiveness”. He taught us to forgive by asking God to forgive the one who had offended us. He taught us to pray, “Father forgive [name of the offender]”. I didn’t struggle much with saying the words. I forgave my dad, my former sin partner (ex-boyfriend), and Mr. P.
A few days after I said this prayer, Mr. P sent me a message on WhatsApp. He had gotten my number from my ignorant sister, called me and was trying to talk to me like I was his long lost friend. I told my Shepherd and she advised me to keep my conversation short, stern, and straightforward by asking him why he got my number. Unable to control my irritated emotions, I began to shout at him asking him where he got the audacity to call me and act like a friend after almost destroying my life. To my greatest shock, he said without remorse: “Hasn’t time passed? You are supposed to forgive”. Wow! Time is now the currency for purchasing forgiveness? I went mad with rage.
As I continued shouting, he went from saying “Shouldn’t you forgive?” to “Was it not your fault?” and then he began to deny…
I was re-wounded in my soul. All these happened while I was preparing for my MBBS examination so I couldn’t concentrate on my studies. I called and messaged my Shepherd that day but interestingly, she wasn’t available to pick up my calls or read my messages and I wasn’t close to her physically.
Around 3am the next morning, I woke up hoping to read. I was heavily burdened with bitterness, anger, hatred, etc. My tears flowed like a river. I wondered how people could be so cruel.
In the midst of the pain, I asked the Holy Spirit to stay with me and hug me tightly. He didn’t fail me! I felt the warmth of His embrace. Peace started flowing in my heart. I felt the pain reducing. Then I remembered what Pastor had preached and I think I knew at that moment that this was a test from God. Still with the tears and pain, I asked God to forgive him, bless him and protect his daughters from going through the experience I had; I asked God to save Mr. P’s soul and use him for the Kingdom so that he won’t hurt another person. As I finished praying, every burden I was feeling vanished. All the pain left. The disgust, anger, everything ceased. I was instantly healed of that wound in my soul. I no longer think of Mr. P and feel angry. I can now talk about the incident unashamedly and encourage people who have had similar experiences. My sister got to know about it during one testimony session I held on Twitter.
A little act of obedience brought me the deliverance and healing I had been seeking for over 10 years. Jesus is really the GREATEST PHYSICIAN! May the Name of the Lord be praised!
– Sis HEU
©God’s Lighthouse 2022