How is it that people can truly or confidently say that God spoke to them? Some say He speaks through dreams and visions – I barely ever had those. Can God talk to people? If so, would He speak to someone as fake and shallow as I was?
This is my story…
My Sore History
Externally, I was a church girl, but I was constantly dealing with a lot of issues. I had intense anger problems and would even go as far as breaking bottles. I remember breaking a bottle to stab my brother once. Sexual immorality was also my thing – I was bound. And I could hold grudges. Many times, because of the lack of stability and peace in my heart and life, it felt like I was bipolar or something close to that.
A Cry For Help
I grew up in a Christian home and I have been going to church since I was a child, attending Bible classes, Sunday School and everything in between. Unfortunately, I got introduced into sexual immorality pretty early – in my Junior Secondary school (JSS) 3. It wrecked my mind, affecting me adversely, and I grew up that way. This really got a hook on me. I kept going back. I would pray and say, “God, please help me.”
There were times that I would be in the act and I’d be crying and saying to God, “You know I can’t help myself, You just have to help me.”
Hunger For Righteousness
I could tell people about God. Oh Lord! I could share Christ with others. By the grace of God, I preached to a guy and he gave his life to Christ, and yet in between, I was still dealing with my issues. At home, I lived a different life; I had friends who did not really know me. One would have to get very close to me to know the ‘real’ me. One could be my friend for years and say, “Ah! That good girl, she sings in the choir,” but know nothing else. I’d showcase only the good things about myself.
This double life continued for a good while until sometime around the end of the year 2016.
I began to tell myself that I was a hypocrite, and a hunger for God began to grow within me. Usually, at the end of each year, I would take a piece of paper and write down the things I wanted God to do for me the following year. I remember that my number one request that year [2016, for the year 2017] was: “God, I want to have a very close relationship with You. I want us to be very close, not like I’m doing now where I’ll pray in tongues and still be involved in immorality.” I felt that there was something more, something I was lacking. After writing it, I just kept it somewhere and prayed about it about once or twice.
Early Stirrings Of The Spirit
After the December break , I still don’t know what moved me to the room that my friend [Ann E.], who is a member of God’s Lighthouse, was in. I had just resumed school and that evening, I went to her room, sat down, and this was when I began to ask her if God truly spoke to people.
Ann E. was patient and simply listened to me talk. While speaking with her, I remembered and told her about the only time I think God spoke to me. This was in my 2nd year in the university, when I had fasted, prayed and asked God to speak to me. Unfortunately, after the fast, I didn’t hear anything so I became tired, gave up, and broke the fast. However, on my way to use the convenience, I heard a voice say, “The entrance of thy word giveth light and understanding to the simple.” When I turned around and didn’t find anybody around, I lost the urge to use the convenience as I became scared. I ran back to my room then and met Ann O. and Amaka (my roommates), who were very committed Christians. I asked them for the verse in Scripture where that sentence could be found and they told me it was in Psalms 119:130. When I opened and read it, I was so happy that God had finally spoken to me.
I desired to hear Him more. I desired a life where God was close, and active. A life where I could be free from my bondages.
When I was done talking to her, Ann E. finally responded. She told me about a church group she had recently begun attending and then invited me over. She said, “Do you really want to hear God? Come, you’ll hear God.” So we had a deal that I was going to attend the tarry there that weekend.
However, something happened. There was a guy that I’d had a relationship with in the past, who suddenly called to tell me that he was coming to town. The story is quite long, but in summary, I ended up not going for the tarry and spent the night with the guy. In my mind, I kept praying that Ann E. shouldn’t ask me why I didn’t make it to the tarry anymore. I avoided her so that she wouldn’t see or ask me. After sometime, I asked her about the church group again and she invited me to the Wednesday Bible study. That was how I came to God’s Lighthouse.
All Things Were Made New
When I got here, it felt like God was waiting for me and had been waiting for a very long time because He just hijacked me and said, “No, you’re not going anywhere again.” Since then, my life has been transformed. Then, as I started learning from God’s words, I started even hearing God speak to me about others. He’ll give me words of knowledge for people, like my mum, my friends and a lot of persons. The sexual perversion stopped and it seemed like my old mind was removed and a new one was given to me by God. I really am a new person.
A Whole New World
Before now, I realized that whenever I went home during the holidays, my presence was known by everyone because, I would be angry and scream at my brother at the top of my voice.
When God began to work on me, I realized that during the holidays [in 2017], I didn’t even have the time to be angry. I was so busy studying my Bible, reading a christian book, worshipping and praying.
I remember laying my hands and praying for my mum one day and she fell under the power of God. I was so shocked, I mean, my mum is a Pastor! After the prayer, she sat on her bed, looked at me and said, “My daughter, you’re now an evangelist.”
It has been an amazing ride with God. In the previous church group I was in, whenever we went for evangelism, I only followed them to share tracts because I never knew what to say to the persons we would evangelize to. The urge to talk to anybody about Christ used to come once in a blue moon. Now, I can’t talk to anybody without telling them about Christ. I do not have to force myself to preach to people as words of encouragement and help from Scripture just flows out of my mouth.
Providing Comfort for Others
I thank God because He has used me to comfort others who are and were in the same situation as I was (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). There was a vision I had where I saw a girl in my former church group whom I admired a lot because of her ability to sing. I used to see her as one who was on fire for the Lord, but in my vision, she died. I saw a ball beside her and written on that ball was ‘SEXUAL IMMORALITY’! I was shocked when I came out of the vision. However, I waved it aside and thought it was my mind because I didn’t understand how she could be plagued by what I had gone through.
About a month later, I woke up to pray and started praying for her. The vision I had seen about her came back. I prayed and asked God if He was sending me to the girl. By 4am that morning, the girl called me and I said in my heart, “Okay God, so You want me to talk to her.” I took the call and she said, “Hi. I haven’t seen you in church in a while. I just called to say ‘hi’ and check up on you.” So, I asked the Holy Spirit what to do next and He led me to go and talk to her. I obeyed and visited her. I began my conversation by asking her, “Are you okay, are you fine?”
She started responding with off-handed remarks, so I asked her directly, “Is there something you’re struggling with?” She kept quiet for a while, then said yes, she was struggling with lust and masturbation. I smiled, told her my story and told her that God could help her also. She was so happy to have finally opened up to somebody. She felt very relieved to talk to someone who wasn’t going to condemn her. I just shared with her and she was very grateful.
Furthermore, I really want to thank God for the fact that I can sit and read my Bible for the whole day without becoming tired.
My life has been rescued from filth! Who would have thought that this was possible?
God is good!
Sis Q. I.
Sister Q. I., who is now a lawyer, continues to love and serve God passionately. Walking in grace and the Holy Spirit’s power, Sister Q. has been a blessing to many people around her as she shares God’s love and goodness to all she comes across, wherever she finds herself.
She can be reached via email at firstname.lastname@example.org
©God’s Lighthouse 2017.