Shadowborn: A Journey Through Fear

“When the teacher mentioned ‘Healing from Oppressive Spirits,’ I suddenly jerked—and the only thought in my mind was: ‘If they start any prayer, I’m jumping out of the nearest window!’ I couldn’t stop crying; a voice in my head kept saying, ‘Tell them you’ll come back later… ask if you can excuse yourself!’”

Becoming Aware

I attended two complete cycles of Believers Bible School (BBS) classes, followed by a crash course and an incomplete cycle. During one of the classes, when the teacher mentioned “Healing from Oppressive Spirits,” I suddenly jerked. Then he said:

“All those things that disturb you people, we are going to cast them out.”

The only thought in my mind was:

“If they start any prayer, I’m jumping out of the nearest window!”

However, no prayers were made that day, as prayers are typically offered on a specific day when more leaders are available to assist with the deliverance process. But the class is typically held first in order to give understanding and help us identify the different areas we may have suffered demonic oppression in.

After the meeting, I wondered what had just happened and why I would think about jumping out of the window, but I had no answer.

Fast forward to the last BBS class I attended. The teaching was again on Healing from Oppressive Spirits. As the teacher spoke about fear and casting out the spirit of fear, I maintained a calm and collected outward appearance, but my head was pounding. What I kept hearing in my mind was:

“Pick a chair and throw it at him so he will stop talking!”

I was also watching the door, planning my escape in case any prayer started.

After that class, I was convinced that something was inside me and that I needed to get out. It was that same ‘thing’ that made me want to escape being prayed for. I also noticed that whenever Pastor referred to the messages on Healing from Oppressive Spirits, I would feel angry. Sometimes, I even felt like running to the lectern to beg him to stop talking.

Fear manifested in my life in different ways, which included:

Fear of Animals

When I was about 9 or 10 years old, we had chickens, and I wasn’t scared of them. I would chase them around and disturb them until one day, one of the chickens decided to chase me back and injured me in the process. From that moment on, I became afraid.

Sometimes, if I saw a chicken, I would wait for it to pass before I did. Other times, I would say:

“I cover myself with the blood of Jesus,”

while walking past it.

I also had two pet cats, but I was still scared of black cats. One time, I was supposed to wake a sister in church so we could read together. I stepped out of my room in the hostel and saw a black cat between my room and hers. That was how I turned back and went back to sleep.

Another time, I went to the bathroom and saw the cat again. The way I ran back to my room that day!

Fear of Administering Injections

I’m a nursing student. Once, while working with a senior nurse, she told me to give a patient an injection. I kept pleading with her to let me skip it—even the patient was laughing at me.

Another time, we were asked to insert a cannula, and I ran to the back so that I wouldn’t be chosen to do it. I didn’t want to have anything to do with needles.

Fear of Man

I was scared of people, what they would think of me, and what they would say about me. This fear made me lie sometimes.

There were times I even denied being in meetings and denied attending God’s Lighthouse. When asked where I worshipped, I would respond vaguely:

“One student church at Plaza… I don’t even know the name.”

My Deliverance

I attended my first deliverance prayer, which we refer to as Psalm 139 Prayers (because it is based on that scripture), on December 16, 2023. One of the words I received that day was that I needed to be prayed for again when I was more receptive and open-minded.

I forgot about those words until the end of 2024 when one of my disciplers messaged me, advising me to join the BBS class, which happened to be the last class of the year.

When I revisited my words from the previous year, I realised it was almost exactly one year apart. This last class was the most involved I had ever been.

The Day of Deliverance — December 14, 2024

That day, I had to share my struggles with my discipler before I could be prayed for. As I waited for my turn, I was filled with so much fear that I almost walked out of the hall. However, I was encouraged and reminded that I would have to fight if I really wanted fear to leave, and that helped me stay.

When it was my turn, I was asked if there was anything I wanted to mention that I struggled with. Without hesitation, I quickly said:

“Fear!”

When the prayers began, this same fear was highlighted in the different prophetic words I received, which served as confirmations. I couldn’t stop crying. A voice in my head kept saying:

“Tell them you’ll come back later. Ask if you can excuse yourself!”

But I didn’t listen. I sat there.

The first prayer point was made, and I remained calm as the team prayed, though I can’t remember what it was about. Then came the time to rebuke fear. As the team leader put his hand on my head, I removed it and tried to run. I reacted violently.

There was a lot of thrashing, screaming, crying, begging, and even laughing. He encouraged me to renounce the spirit of fear, alongside the fear of animals and others. It wasn’t easy at all, but the team members did not stop praying for me until I finally did so.

It was the kind of deliverance that leaves you feeling weak.

Afterwards, I kept asking the Holy Spirit how fear had gotten into my life. Horror movies were highlighted.

I used to love horror movies, and this started in secondary school when I would watch them after exams at school.

One particular movie stood out in my memory. It was very significant in my introduction to fear. I was in SS2, watching it with SS3 students. Amidst all the screams, I either kept a straight face or smiled. I didn’t want to be seen as weak.

Someone even asked me:

“Are you the main cast in the movie?”

because of how bold I seemed.

That moment planted a love for horror movies in me—and unknowingly, a deep root of fear.

During my Pre-degree program, I would download horror movies and save them for nighttime, believing that was when they would have the most impact. I believed that the more horror movies I watched, the less scared I would become, so I kept watching.

I searched for scarier movies and eventually found ones about exorcisms, where demons left their hosts almost dead or in a terrible state. Perhaps those images planted the fear of undergoing deliverance in me.

Facing My Fears

After the deliverances, I knew I had a role to play. I had to face my fears.

On December 16 2024, when I heard that a patient needed an injection, I got so excited that I immediately volunteered. I gave my first injection during clinical postings in a hospital, and I was so happy. That alone was a miracle!

On another occasion, I was informed about an opportunity to help slaughter fowls on a poultry farm. I was advised to go. I received courage from a sister’s testimony about how other brethren helped her overcome her fear of animals, and I expected my experience to be similar.

However, when I arrived at the farm and saw the first chicken, I ran! Then I reminded myself:

“I have to face this fear”

So I went back into the chicken house.

A sister picked up a chicken and told me to hold it. With shaky hands, I did. It wasn’t easy, but I was able to carry the chicken outside.

Next, she said:

“Go back and bring the remaining ones.”

“Ah!” I exclaimed.

I stood there for a long time before finally mustering the courage to catch one.

A brother passed by and asked:

“How many have you carried?”

I shouted back:

“One!”

He said:

“Hurry up! We don’t have time!”

I asked the Holy Spirit for help and started catching them. Instead of chasing them, I learned to grab them at their trunks and pin them down before lifting them.

In summary, I had fierce opposition from them, but in the end, I carried close to 30 chickens or more.

When it was time to kill them, I cried. But with plenty of encouragement, I was able to overcome my fear and killed about seven—even though there were tears on my face.

One night, after coming out of the bathroom, I saw another black cat, but I didn’t run. I walked towards the cat. I’m not entirely sure, but I think I almost stepped over it!

More Deliverances

Before the tarry meeting on February 14 2025, I felt prompted to listen to the series on Healing from Oppressive Spirits. I listened to the first two episodes but didn’t want to download the last one. It started with prayers (I think Pastor was praying in the Spirit), so I turned it off.

But eventually, I listened to it despite several hindrances. I was also afraid of the prayer session, wondering if I would react. So I went to a sister’s room in the hostel and listened to it there, just in case anything happened.

However, there were no violent reactions. I just felt certain things here and there—especially when fear was mentioned. After the prayer session, it felt like sediments were being mopped up.

My Struggle with Rejection

At first, I didn’t know I had the spirit of rejection. While listening to the Healing from Oppressive Spirits series, Pastor had also rebuked the spirit of rejection, though I didn’t react.

During one of our Friday tarries (I cannot recall the date now), Pastor again rebuked the spirit of rejection toward the end of the meeting, and I found myself kneeling and crying.

Later, when I spoke to my discipler about why healing hadn’t come during the earlier prayer sessions, she pointed out two things:

I had issues with concentration.
I was looking for a specific healing.

She was right because I recall that during that tarry, I had been so focused on receiving one particular healing that when Pastor addressed other issues, I ignored them, thinking they didn’t apply to me.

It was later, after waiting for a specific prayer point and not getting it, that I prayed:

“Father, remove anything that is not of You, whether I know it or not.”

When I found myself kneeling and crying again when Pastor mentioned the spirit of rejection, I argued within myself:

“I don’t have the spirit of rejection!”

Then I heard one word:

“Abortion”

I suddenly remembered something my mother told me—that my father didn’t want me. He wasn’t ready for children when she got pregnant with me, but my mother insisted on having me.

Because of this, he refused to contribute — no antenatal care, no financial support, nothing.

Until one day, he received what I believe was a prophetic warning: