Hikikomori is a Japanese word which is translated as “pulling inward, being confined.” It also manifests as the total withdrawal from society and seeking extreme degrees of social isolation and confinement. Hikikomori refers to both the phenomenon and the individuals themselves, described as loners or “modern-day hermits.” They have a severe form of depression.
The phenomenon is primarily recognised in Japan, although similar concepts exist in other cultures, especially South Korea. Estimates suggest that in Japan, half a million youths have become social recluses, as well as more than half a million middle-aged individuals—that is, 1 in 50 youths. These individuals spend six months or more in isolation.
From being an animation lover, I became an anime addict and, eventually, a sucker for Japanese music (J-Pop) in 2020. I had my playlist on Apple Music, which consisted of anime openings, anime closings, and other J-pop songs that fell into neither of these categories. This was how I invited the spirit of Hikikomori into my life. So if you are an anime lover, please pay close attention.
In 2021, I watched myself fall in love with my indoor space so much that I would miss classes because I didn’t feel like going out during the day. I would take my bath most times when no one was around and hurry back to my corner. The only thing that separated my bed from my locker of cereals was a table and chair, so it was a perfect trinity of confinement — sit, eat, lie on the bed, watch anime, listen to J-pop, sleep, wake, repeat. This was my life.
It affected everything.
I would only go out at night and alone, to withdraw or buy drugs to treat the fungal infection I had then. Once in a while, I would go to the hostel’s canteen to eat, and I had cut off from social media greatly at some point. I always thought I just loved staying indoors and loved my personal space—until I got born again and realised it wasn’t totally true.
I got born again officially in 2021 after I came to GLH, and stopped watching anime and listening to J-pop. But by 2022, I still noticed that I had these waves of depression and a cloak of heaviness that would cover me at different times. Whenever this happened, I would want to curl up in a corner and be on my own. I always wanted to escape reality by seclusion and sleep, but church responsibilities wouldn’t let me.
I would write poems and think of how I wanted to lie in a body of water and sink to the bottom. My productivity at church work was very low. There were times that, immediately after I sat and wrote down my tasks for the day, my brain would do an automatic shutdown, and I would sleep for the next couple of hours, right in front of my laptop and to-do list. Waking up didn’t make much difference because I felt too heavy and mentally weak to rouse myself to work.
One day, a sister in the music team, while gisting with me, told me how whenever she felt reluctant to work, she would listen to “Waves of the Spirit”, and from it, receive grace to work.
Before 2023—when I got to know that I was suffering from Hikikomori—this song gave me the strength to achieve many tasks and stay around brethren. It helped me fight a lot of my desire to withdraw from people.
Even till 2024, a year after my deliverance from this wicked foreign spirit, the song still strengthens every part of me and gives me the resolve to keep doing what I do, be it church work or school work. I wish this song could be blasted on massive speakers all over Japan so that deliverance will rain on every Hikikomori!
MY DELIVERANCE
I stayed at the manse during that period and felt this cloak come on me again while I was there. I told a leader who was with me about it, and she prayed for me, rebuking spirits of heaviness and depression.
“Put on the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.” Isaiah 61:3 (paraphrased)
I felt this cloak lift, and ever since then, it has not weighed on me in the same manner. That week, when I testified about it during one of the night devotions at the manse, Pastor told me that it was ‘Hikikomori’, and gave a brief explanation on it, while making references to the Internet. This was when I understood the weight of what I had just been delivered from — a totally foreign [cross-continent] spirit of depression.
After that, there were times I felt it around the corner, but I fought, and I am still fighting. I fight by praising God, thinking of things to thank Him for, talking to Him about the way I feel, being with brethren, and listening to spirit-filled music.
Depression is a spirit, not a personality. We can choose to either fight it or embrace it.
I know that many have fought before and have given up, but one thing is sure — God’s wardrobe is not empty. He still has garments of praise to give out. Give it another chance, and watch Him restore your peace and joy.
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Waves of the Spirit is indeed a song for those who are crushed in spirit or experiencing weakness or depression in some way.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18
As you listen, may you receive the power to do God’s will and fulfil your purpose. Amen.
I thank God for liberty. May His name be praised. Amen.
— Sis HEU
1st January 2025
© God’s Lighthouse 2025
